This is for YOU !
Who came to look for me
on this silly page :-)
hope you like it ...

Lately i been visiting churches to listen to hymns . The reason is not so much religious
but when the sacred soundpatterns of those voices and the geometry of the building create such an acoustic
that you can feel the Spirit move in you ...there is little to say that cellbiology and
neurochemistry can explain such experience . However I love them , it's pure magic.

You are the Everything:

the sound of car engines muted into mandolines
and the sky was glowing with hope
fluorescent grashoppers in thousand colors filled the streets
as slow as a diving stroke of air
the day whispered her name
your ear broke in extatic shades of the darkest pink
and you stop and take a deep breath
as small as a childs chest can hold
it trembled for one second ...
the Everything inside you.

This girl is the beat of my heart .

Are you living in another dimension ?
- how did you know ?
Cause i live there too ...

your biodegredable eco-husband (Solborg lifesharing ecovillage norway august  2011)

crystalchildren :

yesterday evening a 20 year old woman steps up to me , we talk a little , she says my aura is lightblue and gives me an Agaat crystal .
It is not the first time something like this happens this year but the way her eyes were zooming out into infinity
when she was trying to look at my aura was just  ...intimidatingly holy ...so powerful and so young , like an ancient guide incarnated.

I try to be a good nihilst ....but spirit contradicts my system of disbelief , time after time :-)

i heard your voice whispering trough someone elses mouth :
"the sun is a mistake ..."

beauty tumbles in the light
she carries images out of the object
and hangs em floating in another world
only by dieing on the surface of her face
the light created beauty

she dissolves , she is lighter than light, she is the net of the eye
the breaking shell of a planet
the first thing you ever saw
the solar light spinning above your bed in
tubes and wires , melting , singing ...

stuck in the wires of memory
decay
i need that first light

laughing in a hurricane of stones
oracles of light
devour the blue
inside a woman's eye

the star's dimension burns a hole in me
you live in the wave exploding from my chest
the archer's elf ,mark on the wrist

the first signs of addiction
hesitation
your belly glows and you let go ...

a little ray of mourning light

REACH :

in the ether of the night
the saffire flute plays
patterns in her tights

A connection

something opened within me last night when i was looking at the stars
it is hard to explain this, it's a sort of insight :
being a kid you have this love feeling all around you , in the clouds, water, trees,
it's a life force that is within u and everything
than with the years we get disconnected
till we belief nothing anymore
it is just that this belief in the force of love , opens that portal again
and then ... it's everywhere . I mean i can't explain , it's like all is full of love, and love is
the true reality of things . We just forgot how to tap into it . We think the world is full of
pain and fear , but ... it's just blockades .
Reality is love . We've just forgotten it, we don't believe it any longer .
BELIEVE... you will feel the engine of life = love .

why can'it just be simple and true , without complications, lightweighted , like a feather ...

Today i was thinking about Maria Aua . Is it better to live without facebook ? Sometimes i wonder ...

De poeet is een aristocratische zwerver.
opzoek naar een zwervende aristocrate ...

my heart
stop repeating
she is more beautiful
than ever

it's not fear but passion that stops me
from speaking to you
it is too big
too much

it will kill me.

Who is it ... that never lets you down.
Who is it ...  that gave you back your crown.
And now they're handing it over ... handing it over .

just imagine ... Nick Cave covering this song ... it 'ld become enormous .

It's becoming increasingly difficult to communicate with normal people, i feel like i'm not living in their world and my senses have shut down for them . The good thing is special people show up nearly everyday, strangers i meet for the first time and seem to share same interest . I dont know where these people come from or who send them to me , but the frequency is rather high lately . I'm really thankfull for this . Only i wish it was easier to join forces and find our way out of this labyrinth of modernity .
I feel like i'm living in the wrong century . Fitting in somewhere is nearly impossible . I feel at home within my own personal space and the space of people who are in the same frequency of thought and emotion . That's it , everything else is alien and has an air of violence and indifference . An air of which i am not made and i don't like to pretend to be part of it .  I can't kill myself , i love this life somehow . It is perhaps so that in every hellish surrounding one can find the most beautiful flowers , and once you 're in that odour ...heaven reaches out it's hand ...and for an instant there is true caress.

"Therefore let us be happy while we are happy. Let us be kind, generous, affectionate and good. It is necessary and not at all shameful to take pleasure in the real world." ( from the movie Fanny & Alexander)

Everytime i walk from Robot( KASK) till Coupure , i think of Tim Buckley . Has been like this for years . I have no idea why ...perhaps it's the bench , the trees, the autumnleaves ...some memory of that place that still reverbs around there . To say one thing ... despite being uberromantic and over the top , i admire this artist very much . Goodbye and Hello is the only record i would even dare to compare to Nick Drake's . When your senses are open ...the emotions are allmost to much too take . Offcourse he died young ...

Last night i met an Estonian woman in Fatima bar . Not that something like that is so unimaginable ...but again ... it happens one day after i sent a letter to that same Estonian friend .
Somebody came up to me and said " please have a piece of this cake, but beware it's Estonian " and than a tiny woman in a flowerprinted jacket stood there next to me ...now that's a Halloween night's ghost / or what I imagine one to look like :-)

when is  the time grandma
that i'll melt into your hearth like a skyblue flower
peel the memories from your wallpaper
like sunrays trough the ages
when will i cover your skin
as eternal as a sheet
of white marble
strings of  black curles
swimming in it's still water.

i wear my silence like a mask
and murmur like a ghost

Siouxsie is where the musician ends and the magician begins.

south estonian seaside town
no water only thoughts around
roots are moving in the ground
said you take me up
into your holy sound
all the leaves are falling down
into your spiralling skin
take me to the skyroom of your mind
hung with jewels and forrest rhymes
you lift me up by your elbow
hear the bright floriated  thoughts of the butterfly
that sits still but flies inside .

Trough the membrane of your skin
i can see your beating hearth
you are the foil , the silverrain
that keeps the sound of the mystic bell
into the white cathedral
...and i keep ringing .

Tragic thought of the day ( oh how i like to collect these like autumnleaves) :

She is not a Femme Fatale ...
Cause a femme fatale does fatale things to men , not to herself.
I guess there has been a mistranslation or misinterpretation at some point .
That's what happens when you hire a German girl to play in your band .

a sense of magic in the human interaction :

She put some crystals in my pocket.
When after a few months i realised this , cause it kinda happened without thinking ,
I asked her why she gave them to me .
She said " i dont know " .
So it seem crystals have a will of their own . They move from person to person.
Like soul gifts . They have their own reasons for doing this :-)

I'm living between worlds and it's not all in my mind ...

thoughts on the absence and silence of God :

I started to see loneliness as the fundament of this universe .
Often people think it is a curse or a disaster .
But in the beginning there was only loneliness , than love got created, things divided , there were many ...
So it is , the first feeling ever.
The start of something good.
The seed of yearning and creation .
It is the prime base of everything, the first ever felt emotion . It is the true connection with "God".

Come on Wolfgang, won't you crawl on up inside of me ...

" Would you love me for my money? "
Nick Drake , Northern Sky

Some poor men deserved procreation ...i want more Nick Drake's in this world .

x Thomas what shall i do i feel a black line coming up ?
- I don't know, haven't seen any black line just use pink to paint it over ...
x I don't have any pink .
- Use dissolvant, i mean lipstick ...
x It's red !
- Cry so it gets lighter.

SHE really knows how to comfort me !!! :-)  ( eventhough she is dead but anyway hahah)

(a nightexcursion at Gravensteen)

crossroads of smell and powdered eyebrows
the highpriests are putting flames into the citycandles
all the city's phantoms are drinking
in the castle surrounded by trafficlights

her bright lips are  printed on linnen dreams
her wet hands dripping as she climbs the fruittree of her body
like a trapezedancer in the sunlight circus of her mind
looking down on the ecstatic glow of her skin into the vertigo of mosaic thoughts

make her hearth tremble
make the skin come of like the crust of a vulcano
make the silence whisper featherlike words
a  bath of tickling stars resounding the arrousal of her voice

in the castle where nobody lives anymore
it is quiet in the starless night
no one expects ...an orgy of hellish butterflies and perfumed ghosts
for their invisibility sleeps ...inside the mouth of desire

you call towards the boredom of this town
you curse the moderne age as blasphemeous
the emptyness in the peoples souls
but it's the dead who are partying hardest .

The Uncurable Sickness / Real Love

your neon skin flickers on and off
i hears songs ringing in your atomic waste
eventhough you stand still
addicted to the dark of your shadow

it's real time in your eyes
once a year when the planets pass
you let me look into your eternity
all secrets deep inside of you

and i feel that for no reason
we are holding hands
and i feel that for no reason
we are lovers

wild stains a forrest branched on your chest
this blood carved by the loving hands of trees
is the love you feel for your mother
the Mephistopheles breastfeeding her deadborn angels

cause we run into the tower of wisdom
with each step we yearn for wings
in her highest tower we find
a looking glass mirror of our lonely sins.

for my Vampire Queen

into the dark of your body
i come alive again
into the blue of your eyes
i feel the saddest euphoria
into the  green of your radiance
i sink into your glowing swamp
into the red of your lips
i become the food of your starving soul
into the yellow of your hair
i join the dance of galaxies
into the purple of your thoughts
i am dead flesh
i am colourless, empty
a bed of marble
a grave for a rainbow
on which she is sleeping with open eyes
fireworks bursts in her devilish grin.

( ontbijttafelgedichtje Mariakerke Gent)

Ik droomde van het zonlicht
dat feller was dan overdag
Ik droomde van de dood
die erotischer was dan haar glimlach
Ik droomde van muziek
van een virtuositeit waar geen instrument voor bestaat
Ik droomde van de eenzaamheid
van een wereld waar ikzelf de andere was
Ik droomde van een kosmische grap
die je aan geen levend  mens kunt vertellen
Ik droomde van een gezicht
dat mij niet toehoorde
Ik droomde van het woord
dat vuur vatte in mijn mond
en zich aan de wereld openbaarde
in absolute stilte .

Ik droomde dat ik ontsnapte doorheen mijn oor
in de absolute leegte van het woord.
Ik droomde van een klank
die niemand ooit gehoord had

Ik droomde van de ziel
die zich wentelde in het zingende licht
dat feller dan overdag was

Ik droomde van de ziel
die haar dode lichaam deed haar herleven
roodgloeiend als een erotische glimlach

Ik droomde van de ziel
die weerklonk als muziek
met een virtuositeit waarvoor geen instrument bestaat

Ik droomde van de ziel
die in haar eenzaamheid
een wereld werd vol anderen

Ik droomde van de ziel
een kosmische grap
die je niet langer aan mensen kunt vertellen

Ik droomde van de ziel
ik zag  mijn gezicht
dat niemand herkende

Ik droomde van de ziel
die vuur vatte in de vorm van een woord
zich aan de wereld openbaarde...

in absolute stilte.

Ik droomde dat mijn ziel ontsnapte
en zichtbaar werd
een klank die nog nooit iemand gehoord had.

the Quantum Magician:

with my reptile feet i dance creatures into reality
spheres of light and colour
atmosphere of innerspace
the Faun turns into a sense
stimulantia des Kreative
positive quantum characters
open to ... the strada of light
become a Quantum Magician
women give us gifts :
stones from the beach,
nuts from the trees,
toys in the shape of a plastic dinosaur.
nature spirits manipulating human behavior
Dramatron,access, a play with senses,
animal emotion
the soul speaks
with soft hands .

Artistical maturement :

In " the Seventh Seal" Max von Sydow is playing chess with Death.(mid 50ies black and white)
In " Passion of Anna" Max von Sydow is playing chess with Liv Ullmann , a woman.(late 60ies colour)

It seems Ingmar had understood that Death is not a fictional character, but the one we die for .

The mask is there not to hide the face of the actor but to show his internal world .
It's not a hidding thing but a revealing thing to wear a mask.

great lyric x

I came to this city (Gent) in search of people with supernatural powers as i have met some in Estonia, i was
convinced these people must exist everywhere . Every town at least has one fairy or White Witch . But i never thought i would find her , let alone she would become my (ex)girlfriend . I show u this picture so you could see for yourself ...otherworldy eyes ...unreal presence ...as trapped in another dimension . These people really exist . Her name is Evi .

There are 4 fantastic popbands in history : the Beatles, the Kinks, Big Star and .... BELLE & SEBASTIAN :-)

"Ferdinand lured by Ariel " painter John Millais
Bumped into this painting at Copyright artbook store in Gent, a place where i usually go when i want to discover art , as there is more than u will ever find in musea or galleries :-)  It's the only place where one can hear a Sonic Youth song followed by Chopin , isssss fucking cool !  But about the painting : i believe there is more to this than you will ever read in any newspaper about reality . This is the real world . Believe it or not.

" To find the Devine , one sometimes has to go trough the wallpaper ..."

What attracts me in Ingmar Bergman is hypersensitivity, darkness and his sense of humor and the childlike imagination he never lost as an adult . If i were a woman, this would be the man for me to marry , even i know this marriage would be hell ...it just be worthed in the end.

Follow me, reader! Who ever told you there is no such thing in the world as real, true, everlasting love? May the liar have his despicable tongue cut out! Follow me, my reader, and only me, and I'll show you that kind of love!

http://youtu.be/Bv7IcjmxjGo

When a song haunts you like a ghost ...it takes shape in a person's eyes , you could watch the tones dance around in it , like endless ripples growing wider . Tears forming circles and crystals , not falling ... spiralling in love, rejoicing life force's comfort .

the sound of red butterflies by your window
seven kisses blown by the wind
a click of the hand
let love in
...

Open Your Heart ( by the Human League) :

And when it hurts you
know they love to
tell you
How they warned you
They say "Don't be
surprised at
someone's lies"
They think they taunt you
But if you can stand the test
You know your worst
is better than their
best
And so you stand here
with the years ahead
Potentially calling
With open heart or
with a spirit dead
You walk on
Chorus :
Lies the reason
Faith or treason

Playing a part
End concealing
Try revealing
Open your heart
Dare to feel
Take the chance
Make the deal
Being an island
Shying from trying
Seems the easy way
Such an easy way
But there's no future
without tears

A new House , a new Life :

"The floor of my bedroom is full of needles ....not that i'm shooting up stuff, it's an atelier of a former fashion designer . Every morning i'm greeted with the icy indifference of a perfect shaped model doll , in a way it's the most comforting feeling in the world , i'm expecting Rainer Werner Fassbinder to jump out of the closet any moment . "

a song to make love to http://youtu.be/aaAyZh9zg1c .  Soon ... :-)

Ah yes and to continue the story i met this girl again one night in Levist Valjas bar in Tallinn (last week) You know she thought i was a hallucination . But ... life is sometimes .

another case of curious synchronicity :

late night i was skyping some Estonian friend on spending some time there this month . The very next
day i step out my doorstep onto the bus , there are 2 people talking , one of them is an Estonian girl , the other a Belgian i met in Tallinn . She concluded the conversation telling her friend about me " I think this man could be the fairy of this town ."  ( line 3 Gent) .

Childhoodmorning filled with natural high :

i miss the tide that rush of otherworldly flowers
running trough my thoughts
the times of vaportrails that made huge crosses in the sky

the dot on her head
unwind it and you have fluent sentences

for her velvet highness NICO :

i saw the moon rise
trough the windows of a milkshaker
she left a dark spot on my face
in the shape of a nipple
then started crying white tears
believing i was in a commercial
for the black death.

WINTER ( stream of consciousness) :

i offer gauffres , in the room , there is light, and syrup and the coming of sweets
tarabum and dance in the room , and round and round, like a mirror of sound
i found you , you found me , but we didn't found eachother

you have a vest, it was bought in the west , you gonna wear it for the test
oh baby , i'm coming from the garden
and the sun is mellow, the clouds are yellow and the moon is in the room , can't u
feel it's presence, can't you see it staring at you , have it's light glued on you
and now you're stuck with its touch

seconds and dreams, money screams, while its falling from your body like leaves from the tree
and the sum of all parts, is more than a cavelery march
is gonna cut you up like sliced bread and it's eatable head oh man it smiles when its dead
lift me, up from the street , into carriage, the mast tails you , like a silverprince
carry u across the vast continent into an Asian tent,
mint fragrance loneliness , surrounded by serious faces just pushing, the horses died,
they're going trough the green meadows and talk strange language, it's your language

upper town , they're sliding their sleighs across the icy rivers,
they're handing out chestnut puffs, you'r eating a bitter moment
and swallow the frozen seconds
puzzled by boots, you decide not to look up towards the face
and recognize a person only by embrace

There is something magical about this place . The abandoned and forgotten St Barbara church . It's my favorite place in town , i feel like it is some kind of poet's portal , it takes me "somewhere" out of here ... it's my little secret . My tempel of visions .

The courageous Gish sister and the frightened Gish sister . from the movie The Wind 1927 .

Please come die with us , there is nothing to fear . 7 sisters, 7 reasons to die for.

Love is the taste of death

a bird tries to steal a sacred cherry
dark plans unfold in it's featherless wings
shadows drift across cupcake paradise
it's lining gardens in the pink shades
of blushing cheeks
brutally awoken by

words lighting up like fire
inside the creamcoloured snow of wandering

" what i want from you ?
  what can i ask for ? "
a subtle play ...a majestic opera ...the sound of an evening star
slipping down your eyelashes
your little girl's mime ... the stopping of time.

a kiss  ( did you say a kiss ?)
blessed with the untouched touch softer than velvet roses
that don't grow but explode


the sound of your breath. ... the electric shiver on my skin
is this the lighting storm that turned all of my powers out ?


it it a mask you were given ? (take this face... it's yours)

one that thrills you with possibilities !


you are the feminine principle
though a boy within
like a golden paper wrapped
around a dark chocolate truffle


your gift to me (what you take away from me ) :
yearning
the sweetest pain in life, it's taste ...
the tongue of death within your silver face


for your beauty shall (must and please do so) destroy me
like light that dies on the face of  Eternity
this moment we call it love
a moment that  turns into

memory ...mythology ... stories ...fables ... lies ...yours truly .

i await my devouration lieing inside the flesh eating flower called Esthetique

it's fluorescent blades are metalteeths  unused (just for decoration)

not against my will i dissolve
it is your poison afterall


nothing shall remain
except the new

except a taste of the possible paradise Impossibility
just a taste
the jewel that turned into skin and evaporised
the angelic beast formed by the breath of starlight .


(4th july 2012 Gent ,during thunderstorm, this time with closed windows)

Of a new pink

she is a blossom of a new pink one that transcends the colour
reaching towards the ripe
while raindrops bomb your petals
to open the crystal egg
and step outside as you
is to unfold it's shell
and transform it inside
what draws me to you ?
it's not beauty
it's sensitivity
allthough aware  of your darkness
your touch ... the finest branch
you refine the tree till deeper patterns
more complex more tender
like a poem that grows
from your very existence .

(written 4th july 2012 in my new room in Gent. As a lovepoem for a girl that used to live across the street)

                                                        below is the first draft (created during a lightning storm with rain)

the window ... canvas to the world ...surface of our earthly dreams ...entrance and protector to all the life outside a bedroom. Desperation and joy , yet your face remains transparent , filled with radiant light or rolling  tears , you always return to that moment of beginning ... a face, curling lips, two yearning hands  pressed upon your opened hearth .

7 sisters light the way , take you with them in their dreams (the Pleiades)

The brightness of his words could change the colours of her lips ....

"Who knows what a face is for ? " (Nick Drake At the chime of a city clock)

a picture i made of a painting , what you see is the light of the flash mixing with subtile plastic matter on the painting . I call it " light ebbing effect " .  The idea was to create something that looked like the sunlight mingled with the sea like in Rimbaud's poem " eternity " .